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Never Coming Back Her hair whipped around her face as she stood at the edge of the precipice, the gulls screaming above and the waves crashing below. There would be no turning back. This she knew.
She turned slowly and made her way back to the path that wound down to the beach. Her past was gone, the present was fading, the future...well, the future held nothing but the gray haziness of pain. There had been passion. Once upon time; but no longer.
He left her in her pain and her misery. When she needed him the most, he left, never coming back. She knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to last, but she tricked herself, deceived herself into believing that it would. She always told him that she wasn't hurting, that she was fine, that she would be okay. All he ever did was look into her blue eyes and tell her that she was lying.
She stopped reminiscing and looked over the beach. It was empty. Cold. Gray. Bitter. She stooped
No Reason to HoldFrozen by my past,
Petrified by my present,
Paranoid of my future,
My worry's breeding rapidly.
It's someone new,
She's so sweet too,
Or so as it seems,
We're all bleeding,
And somewhat needing,
Some source of redemption,
Some offering of pension.
But she seems better,
Relatively bright weather,
So why can't I walk,
I can't even talk.
With a heart wide open,
A mouth sown shut,
I want her to be coming,
I've lost my old guts.
This mess is made fresh,
With no second chances,
No new hopes,
To simply hold on.
How It Feels Just to CareI know I probably should feel bad,
But I'm feeling moreof a sense of freedom.
I'm try to care and I still am,
But I'm starting to lose this obligation.
I guess you deserve it,
Though I'd never say it.
I guess you don't though,
You've made me who I am.
The good parts of me,
Though far in between,
Exist because of you,
You deserve more.
But whenever you have what's going through your head,
Whether that you don't care,
Or don't want to hurt me,
I'm not going to stretch out to you anymore,
Because I can't help.
There's a certain satisfaction in knowing that someone cares,
A certain confidence and a certain feeling,
That's all I can give,
That's all I have given,
That's all that I'm still holding onto.
My MetamorphasisSilent warnings,
I'm still dwelling on my latest felling,
None else has happened,
Tears turn amber from sap and,
And I'm holding on,
Waiting for a new dawn.
Compassion drowning, ignorance founding,
Poor thoughts filt'ring, feeling guilty,
I know I must prove myself innocent,
I know I must find where my care went,
With confidence and hatred trading,
I'm soon to be fading.
Emotional InvestmentI hate to love what I've become,
Because the backlash is coming soon,
Soon there will be prices to pay,
Loves to fade,
Attempts to die,
Respect to lose.
I don't think there's a single thing,
That can keep me alive, keep me on track,
The drama and fear has me gossipy and bratty,
The ignorance and rudeness has me with a bad name.
I remember I used to try to care,
I remember I used to hold on,
I remember I used to live to love,
I remember I had a chance,
I hate what I am,
It'll earn me only more of what I hate.
As I'm growing I'm leaving the past in the dust,
These markets are growing, but only with hatred,
Certain people come with a price,
I'm investing and bidding on the wrong ends.
Opening My WoundsI'm afraid to show I'm interested,
Afraid to show I'm rotting away,
You're afraid to show you're interested,
Or maybe you just don't care.
Fake that we don't care,
Fuck our chances forever,
It's a game of who falters first,
I'm bound to trip,
No second chances on first impressions,
I'm lost in what she thinks of me,
What she doesn't,
What she keeps inside,
What pity exists,
What interest lives on.
With each breaking moment I'm waiting for word,
With each small chance I jump with joy,
Then dissipate with disappointment,
But I can never show.
Staring off between honesty
And what I really am,
Maybe my impressions are right,
Becoming a paranoid worried
I've finally found what I'm tru
Hath No FearGiving yourself completely up to fear is kinda like falling in love: You can't pin point exactly when it started and by the time you realize that you are surrounded by that sensation it's already game over. Just like the image of the person you are in love with starts creeping out from every unexpected corner, fear never leaves your side when you give it a welcome stay. After a restless sleep, it starts beating anxiously in your heart the moment you wake up in the morning and commands all your thoughts and actions throughout the day. It is nothing short of a prison, except you are the only inmate and the warden never takes a break. Ever.
I do not exactly remember when I let fear occupy my being but I remember the exact moment when I realized I was ruled by it. It was late in the afternoon, everybody was out there 'getting busy living' and I had locked myself inside my bed half awake, not particularly finding any valid reason to get out of it. Then I was awakened from a nightmare by my
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More